She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
