my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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