Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
