What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
