I will die if light touches me.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
