we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.