her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
