FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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