Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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