non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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