the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
