Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
