life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
