This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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