It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
