Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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