It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
