You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
