Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize