just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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