i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
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I need you to use more vowels.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
