Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
