That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
