You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
