my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize