How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
