I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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