I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
