I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
