I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
