Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
