Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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