Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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