He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
