It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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