After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
