idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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