I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
