First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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