it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
