Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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