I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
