Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
