Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Randomize
