What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
