I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
