the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
