sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
