I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Randomize
