i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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