Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Send help, water and tortillas.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
