It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
