I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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