that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
