and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
