We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
