dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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