Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
