And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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