AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
