I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
