Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Randomize
