Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
