I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
