She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
