Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
