The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
