And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
