I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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