Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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