why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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