Your face is a jimmy john
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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