Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Your penis caused this!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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